Tara Reid was seen in Italy trying to score a role in the newest installment of Pirates of the Caribbean yesterday. Well, probably not, but either way, she still looked like a young Jack Sparrow with silicon implants.
On second thought, it appears that Tara has finally realized that her acting career has been in a bit of a slump and has taken some time during her Italian vacation to seriously consider various possible new professions.
First, Tara thought that maybe she could take a stab at Olympic diving.
But, after a few tries, she didn't like the way it always made her face scrunch up and look as scary as the rest of her body.
Next, Tara thought maybe she could make a career out of being a body double.
However, after a short while, she realized that it would be really hard for her to find another actor (or even another person in the world) who has an ass that resembles a plastic bag filled with human vomit as closely as hers.
Then, Tara told herself that she would forget all of these worldly professions and live a life within the realm of the supernatural as some sort of fortune-telling sea gypsy.
Yet, even as a fortune-teller, Tara still felt that she hadn't found something that was truly right for her.
Side Note: If Elton John and Captain Hook ever had sex, is this what their birth child would look like? Yikes!
Anyway... after trying so hard, Tara finally gave up and decided to just throw herself under the bow of the boat.
Tara! Be careful! You don't want to drown! Wait, I forgot... that's impossible with those massive buoys attached to your chest.
