Stop working, ignoring your children, binging on fast food or whatever you sad people do during the week: Steven Tyler is engaged. Can you believe that his beautiful face will finally be off of the market at the young age of 63?

Steven Tyler's family is actually against the engagement. It's known that they have not gotten along with Erin Brady for years. They claim that "she's just not nice." Personally, I think these family members should have been more concerned with Steven Tyler's participation in the atrocity known as "American Idol." If they care so much about his well-being, the family would have stopped that shit immediately.

If you put all of the horrible things about Lindsay Lohan aside (like her meth mouth and addiction to petty crime), you'll see that she is just a simple girl who is absolutely broke. Is she trying to work or make her life better? No, not really. She is just turning down offers to host NYE parties because she thinks it will ruin her image:

Sources close to the actress tell TMZ ... she's gotten a bunch of offers to host various ragers on NYE ... but she's turned down every last one.

We're told Lindsay is desperately trying to change her party girl image ... and she feels staying out of the NYE madness is a major step in the right direction.

Lohan's decision is a costly one - some stars have raked in 6-figure checks for partying on New Year's Eve. But we're told Lindsay - who received high marks from the judge just earlier this month - doesn't think a check would be worth it.

Sure, not provoking judges who already hate her is a smart move, but at this point her reputation couldn't be any worse. So maybe Lindsay should consider doing what she does best for a six figure paycheck: standing around like a zombie, weakly attempt to get attention from the paparazzi and pretend she thinks that people still like her.

I did everyone a terribly huge disservice earlier in the year when I failed to report on how Sinead O'Connor loves anal sex and requires all men to do if they are interested in dating her. This was a snippet from the ad that she posted on her personal blog:

I've been repeatedly asked will I 'do anal sex'. Let me make it very clear.. Any man I contemplate has to be into anal sex.. It was a family paper so they wudnt have printed it but let me now take time to make VERY clear that yes I 'do anal' and in fact I would be deeply unhappy if 'doing anal' wasn't on the menu, amongst everything else$$ So if u don't like 'the difficult brown'.. Don't apply... I've had reasonable complaints from lesbians that they have been excluded. This was terribly remiss of me and I would now like to make it clear that women will also be very much considered. As will Brians and Nigels.. Since there were complaints there too.

So if you can make it past all of the mentions of "doing anal" by Sinead, you'll realize that she is a deeply disturbed individual. And it's no surprise that the marriage she entered into 18 days ago was a complete and utter failure (according to RadarOnline):

"Dear friends, I had for reasons u will all understand, wished to keep this private but have been told today it is to be leaked in the next few days despite my best efforts," she wrote. "So I must now leak it myself so as the record is straight."

The Nothing Compares 2 U singer, who has four kids, went on to say that "certain people in [Herridge's] life" down-talked the marriage to the groom just three hours after the ceremony was over.

"And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don't drink," she wrote. "My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage.

"I truly believe though it is painful to admit, we made a mistake rushing into getting married, for altruistic reasons, and weren't aware or prepared for the consequences on my husband's life and the lives of those close to him.

She continued, "He has been terribly unhappy and I have therefore ended the marriage."

And if you were thinking "she talks too much" or "I wish a rabid wolverine would maul her in the face," you're not the only one.

A former writer for "Saturday Night Live," Joe Bodolai, was recently found dead in a Los Angeles hotel. The authorities believe that he committed suicide. Joe was known for his writing work with "Wayne's World" sketches, so this news is most definitely not excellent.

According to TMZ:

We're told cops recovered a bottle of antifreeze and Gatorade in the hotel room ... and it's likely his death was due to consumption of the toxic chemical.

Bodolai had posted what appears to be a suicide note on his blog on December 23 titled, "If This Was Your Last Day Alive What Would You Do?"

In the note, Bodolai writes about "Stuff I Would Like to Have Seen In My Life" -- including the Browns winning the Super Bowl and the "truth" about the JFK murder.

He also lists "Things I Regret" ... which begins with, "My inability to conquer my alcoholism" followed by, "The things I did because of it."

Bodolai also lists, "Things I Am Proud Of" -- listing family members, his time as an "SNL" staff writer and "writing the first draft of Wayne's World with Mike Myers."

This is pretty heavy stuff for a former "SNL" writer, so let's not focus on his death. Instead, let's pretend that Mike Myers was never Shrek, Dana Carvey was still cool and quote "Wayne's World" all night.

You know you should be ashamed of your own people when they side with a television-whore Kardashian during a very public divorce (during which the Kardashian in question requested to be kindly left alone and then proceeded to do some other things for attention, like forgetting to wear bras and eating penis-shaped foods). Not only did America support Kim during her "troubles," but they went so far as to boo the (barely an) NBA player Kris Humphries during his first game this year against the Knicks. Come on people, he really isn't even famous enough to waste a perfectly good insult on.

The second Humphries took the court at Madison Square Garden in New York City to play the New York Knicks in the Nets' final preseason game, Humphries was booed mercilessly by the Knicks crowd.

As he was each and every time he touched the ball for the full five minutes his coach had him on the floor.

Literally no one in the free world should waste any time caring about Kris Humphries or his divorce from Kim Kardashian, yet New Yorkers took it upon themselves to show Kris just how upset they were with his actions. Let's revisit SNL's accurate representation of the Kardashian family before I throw up all over my desk in disgust.

Lady Gaga is being sued by her former assistant because, essentially, the girl didn't read the job description before accepting the offer to be Lady Gaga's b*tch. Even normal, lower-middle class people know that if one had the opportunity to have a personal assistant, one would go all Stanford prison experiment on them and unleash every kind of hell your power allows. Getting a towel for your boss if she needs one obviously isn't lawsuit worthy.

Jennifer O'Neill says in her lawsuit ... she worked for Gaga for 13 months, and is owed $380,000 in overtime. O'Neill says in her suit her job included "ensuring the promptness of a towel following a shower and serving as a personal alarm clock to keep [Gaga] on schedule."

O'Neill claims she had to cater to Gaga in "stadiums, private jets, fine hotel suites, yachts, ferries, trains and tour buses."

And, O'Neill says, she was required to be at Gaga's beck and call at her "earliest waking hour."

O'Neill is suing for the $380k -- which represents 7,168 hours of overtime during the 13 months.

I sincerely hope that the issue of overtime was addressed before Lady Gaga hired her... otherwise I'm fairly confident that the assistant won't be getting a penny. But I am just a simple caveman, your world frightens and confuses me. How would I know?

Or it is "more slutty?"

JWoww has recently committed her life to unleashing the now-restricted bombs of other women on the beaches of Jersey Shore. The whorish Emmanuelle Chriqui (feel free to come to this conclusion on your own: http://tinyurl.com/7lcf7wa) of course chose a style of design that is minimal coverage, chock full of animal prints and vaguely reminds everyone of the first time they encountered chlamydia.

Her line uses a unique fabrication that lets women remove their bikini straps without the rest of the top falling off, thanks to a revolutionary silicon-based adhesive activated by body temperature.

So now women can get partially naked without risking actually being naked. I would make fun of JWoww for being legally retarded, but this is just too good for my own gender.