Ashlee Simpson and her Fall Out Boy bassist boyfriend, Pete Wentz, are officially getting married! People Magazine says:
"We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best," Simpson said in a statement posted on friendsorenemies.com. "Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us."
Simpson's father, Joe, tells PEOPLE he's "totally happy" and "so excited to have Pete as part of (our) family.""
Ahh, isn't it a beautiful thing when the pseudo-famous realize that they've plateaued at a mediocre level of fame and they both decide to settle. For some reason, I feel like Pete Wentz, despite being a somewhat ugly dude, could have done better than Ashlee "pterodactyl-face" Simpson. And, ironically, I feel that Ashlee could have done a little better herself... like if she married a Chihuahua... because I think those little ankle-biters are more sexually attractive than dirty, smelly Pete over there! But hey, who am I to judge either of them... that's just wrong. Not ethically... but because I'm so jacked and tanned and ruggedly handsome in the face that I simply cannot put myself in a position where I could ever understand what it's like to be as hideous as either Ashlee or Pete.
With that said, I do realize that most unattractive people usually end up marrying other unattractive people... unless the dude owns a Ferrari... then he could probably nab some sort of Czechoslovakian supermodel who speaks broken English and prefers to live in his mansion rather than go back to suburban Prague where she minds the goats on her father's barn and goes to the city center to receive her daily ration of state-sanctioned rock hard bread and hot water for lunch. But hey, that's neither here nor there. The important thing is Pete and Ashlee are officially engaged now and that just makes me all warm and tingly in my heart. Then again, that might just be acid reflux from the breakfast burrito I just downed in 3 minutes. Anyway, congratulations Pete and Ashlee, we wish you many years of ugliness happiness together!
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz in New York together about a week ago:
