It's a good thing I'm into having sex with married women, or else I would be completely distraught over the news that Natalie Portman is now married to Benjamin Millepied. Because she had the dignity not to sell herself out over a marriage, she did it secretly. Unfortunately, wearing a wedding band to The Academy Awards isn't very James Bond-esque if you want to hide the fact that you're married. People Reports:

On Sunday night's 84th Academy Awards, the actress appeared to be wearing a wedding ring set as she clutched an envelope onstage.

And her French fiance, Black Swan choreographer Benjamin Millepied, was photographed with a band on his wedding finger.

I love it when celebrities are really bad at hiding their personal lives. All I have to do is a Google Image search and I've found out guarded secrets about half of the celebrities in Hollywood. I need to buy a pipe.

Because he is such a good guy, Chris Brown publicly supported a Rihanna song when it came on in an Orlando nightclub this weekend. He sang along to every lyric in Club Vain on Sunday night during an NBA All-Star party. So does this sing along to "We Found Love" mean that there is a major reconciliation in the works ... or does it just mean Chris Brown was singing along to a song in a club?

I'll let the stay-at-home mothers decide.

Like 99% of United States citizens, Marisa Miller did not care about the Oscars. They were hosted by a dead-eyed, has-been comedian and there was a sad lack of disasters. Therefore, like the rest of us, she only started having fun and flashing her cleavage at the Vanity Fair After Party. Because screw The Academy Awards.

Sheryl Crow needs to do some serious soul searching... for a new beach outfit that is! *rimshot* In an effort to disgust America (or possibly give children nightmares), Sheryl tramped around Maui with her son Levi in the most unflattering bikini/hair/glasses combination known to man. If I would have bumped into her, I would have shot her on sight. Even if she did scream "NO, I'm Sheryl Cr-!" at the last second.

Not only is "Community," the best show on television, coming back to the air this spring (MARCH 15TH, MARCH 15TH, MARCH 15TH) but its cast now has one Oscar winner, Jim Rash! He co-wrote the screenplay for "The Descendants," which has been winning lots of shiny awards. He poses like Angelina Jolie when he accepts Oscars, he cross-dresses (hilariously) in "Community" and his character is the king of dean-related puns. Jim Rash for President 2012!

Who knew that Stephen Hawking was such a kinky little man? ... I mean, I had a feeling he wasn't all about complicated physics and robot-speak. RadarOnline reports:

Renown physicist Stephen Hawking is somewhat of a regular at a Devore, California sex club, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

According to a source who has been a member of Freedom Acres swingers club for nearly half a decade, Hawking, 70, shows up to the club with a bevy of nurses and assistants and has naked woman grind on him.

"I have seen Steven Hawking at the club more than a handful of times," the source revealed. "He arrives with an entourage of nurses and assistants. Last time I saw him he was in the back 'play area' laying on a bed fully clothed with two naked women gyrating all over him."

I can't blame the guy. He is a genius and he has a horrible physical ailment. Of course he is going to want some lovely ladies to grind all over him. Now, if only all other men could follow in his footsteps (so to speak). Then they would actually be happy in their marriages.

Sometimes I forget how hot Leah Michelle is. "Glee" producers hate everything heterosexual, so they tend to downplay just how hot the girls are on the show (unless, of course, they are lesbians). So that's why these bikini pictures of Leah Michelle were such a surprise to me and my pants. Who knew that the cold, heartless b*tch on the show could be such a cold, heartless hot girl in real life?