Between that jerk Vick killing dogs, my boy Owen nearly jumping off the deep end, and Britney being investigated for child abuse, I'm depressed.
The world itself is going even further down the drain than it was, and there's nothing that can save us... well, almost nothing.
Thank God for our savior that is Jessica Simpson's breasts. Those little funbags are just what their name indicates... fun little, scratch that... big... scratch that... GINORMOUS, bags!
I couldn't decide if she looked better in white when she was seen on friday leaving a restaurant with her hairdressing companion Ken Paves, or if she looked more lucious in a brown-ish top arriving at the LG house in Malibu for a party on Saturday.
So, I feel like double the Jessica, double the fun. Or quadruple the fun, if we're still talking about her bags. But, we're not, I know this, and I'm just a bad, bad man and I apologize for that.
Anyway, there's nothing quite like a fitter-than-ever Jessica appearing twice in one weekend wearing shirts that nearly squeeze the life out of her. Delicious. So here she is. Enjoy the bags. You deserve it after this horrible day.
By the way, why is Jessica sucking in her stomach? Is it because she asked her daddy if she would ever be the best actress in the world and he said "don't hold your breath" but she got confused and started holding her breath everywhere she went? Hey, I'd believe it.
Oh, and in the Malibu pics with the brown top, who is that large, large man, and what does he stand for? Because, frankly, I'm not quite sure exactly why, but he makes me afraid for my life.
Anyway, sorry.
Today is a good day. Thank you, The Lone-Star State.
