Kim Kardashian is Already Showing

Internet - get ready. Kim Kardashian is going to be one of the biggest mommas you have EVER seen. She is already voluptuous as hell, so throw a baby and some hormones into the mix and you have a recipe for an (awesome?) disaster. Please, just let there be (massive) side boob!

2.01.13 at 03:23 PM   

Jennifer Lawrence has a Confusing Dress

The other night, the Internet had one, collective lust heart attack when Jennifer Lawrence walked onstage at the SAG Awards to accept her award for Best Female Actor In A Film. According to the video (and screenshots like the one above), as she walked up the stairs her dress seemed to rip and show her goodies underneath. Unfortunately, it seems dresses are more complicated than what most people think, nowadays:

First of all, this is a Christian Dior gown we're talking about here; those things don't just rip so here's what was going on.

The original gown showed clear distinctions that were connected by sheer lining. Lawrence's dress had the lining hidden, so people couldn't really tell that it was a tiered gown.

Once she was approaching the stage to get her award, the combination of her pulling up on the top part of the dress and possibly having the train stuck on a heel (or something) revealed the sheer lining in between.

So time to put down that Jergens lotion, perverts. Her dress was actually altered to seem LESS slutty. Sigh. So take advice from Lenny Kravitz in the Hunger Games Bad Lip Reading: DRANK.

1.31.13 at 03:49 PM   

Katy Perry Was Appropriate

The above picture was taken at The Kids Inaugural event during Obama's second inauguration... and boy howdy was it patriotic. And a little more than inappropriate. But hey, the politicians proved they don't know anything about the youth of America. 1.) Kids don't care about politics. 2.) Having Katy Perry show her tits at an event will draw attention, but not the kind you want.

1.21.13 at 10:31 PM   

Chris Hemsworth is Better Than You

Chris Hemsworth doesn't hate you or anything, but he sure as hell doesn't respect you either. Why? Well, he is gorgeous and enormous and could crush you with his pinky. I mean, that's not a gay thing for me to say. It's just a fact. All hail Hemsworth!

1.21.13 at 10:24 PM   

Jennifer Lawrence is Adorable, Humble and Hilarious

WATCH OUT, KATNISS! I'm about to get all up in your lady business.

Jennifer Lawrence (a.k.a., Katniss) was recently a guest on The Late Show with David Letterman Tuesday. While talking about pictures paparazzi take (and how they can sometime be unflattering), a picture of Jennifer vacationing in Hawaii came up. David showed the audience (many gasped and fainted out of disgust, I assume) Jokingly, Lawrence said:

"It's not my butt and I will not take responsibility for it. It's a 90-year-old butt that's been photoshopped onto my body, and is posing as my butt."

Let me just make this clear, Jennifer. I LOVE YOU. Not only do you have a normal-attractive ass (not everyone is Jessica Alba, don't worry), but she has the kind heart and good humor to joke about it live on television. No, sweet darling, you are not responsible for that ass. But you ARE responsible for making me fall deeply in love with you. Now, to get sloppy drunk and watch your cutie patootie butt on SNL!

1.19.13 at 02:08 PM   

Scarlett Johansson is Performing on Broadway

Sometimes I forget that these hot people I masturbate to are actors, professionals in their field. So it's always surprising to me when I hear of one of them doing something. For example, Scarlett Johansson recently returned to Broadway, starring as Maggie in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." The role was original made famous by Elizabeth Taylor, who is being portrayed by Lindsay Lohan in a made-for-tv movie. What is wrong with this world? These two women aren't even in the same universe, so to see them connected like this sickens me. SICKENS ME.

1.19.13 at 02:05 PM   

Lindsay Lohan is a Professional Escort

I always thought that "escort" was a fancy way to say "hooker," so it seems to make sense that Lindsay Lohan is now making money as a "professional escort." So, who didn't expect this?

Desperate for money, troubled actress Lindsay Lohan is still living the high life by working as a professional escort, her father Michael Lohan and other insiders exclusively revealed to Star magazine.

1.16.13 at 10:48 PM