I never told you guys this... but Eva Mendes is secretly in love with me. Each week I receive boxes and boxes of love letters from Eva, and with each letter a little piece of my heart dies because I just can't love her back.
As much as I want to be able to return that same love that Eva has for me... but I just keep telling her... she's just not good-looking enough. I try to tell her that sometimes life presents you with certain situations that are just out of your control and you have to deal with the sadness... and for Eva, this is one of those situations.
Poor Eva, she's really gone off the deep end now. Here she is sending me pictures of her in a purple dress at the 33rd American Film Festival blowing kisses at me today.
Attached to these pictures was one more personal love note to me from Eva saying how she wanted to run away to a distant island and please me sexually while she has that special arroz con pollo of hers that I like cooking on the stove.
This is getting out of hand, really. Anyway, here's Eva being crazy in purple...
