If an ostrich, Hillary Clinton, and a Romanian hooker all had sex, they would give birth to Paris Hilton at the 2007 VMAs.
Years ago, when I was backpacking through Europe, my train took an unexpected detour through Romania and I ended up stranded in Bucharest with no money.
After roaming the streets and searching for food, I stumbled across a few crumbs of dry bread in an alley which led to the back entrance of an eerie looking building.
There, as I bent down to grab a piece of hardened bread with my heavy, hopeless heart, I heard a soft, sexually experienced voice calling over to me.
That was when I met Helena Dubrova. She was the madame of a top underground Romanian brothel. She recognized my dire situation and gave me food and shelter in exchange for becoming the only male prostitute in her sex lair during the time of my stay.
It turned out that Helena and I formed a beautiful friendship, and for those three months in the Eastern Bloc, I shared one of the deepest, most spiritual relationships I've ever shared with a woman.
Paris, here, strikingly resembles Helena's younger sister, Hanna, who they kept in the basement most of the time as she awaited the business of special high-profile customers... what a good little Eastern European hooker Hanna was... and Paris, well... she's just like that.
It's a shame Paris is wasting her talent in Hollywood. Then again, with modern technology and Paris' general behavior, Paris might actually be one step ahead of me... forget Romania... she's the top hooker of the world!
