These candids of Lindsay Lohan and her fat ass trying to breathe in those tight pants of hers were taken yesterday at her Utah rehab facility.
Lindsay has spent a lot of time in rehab specifically working on growing an ass. It's like that thing was one big Chia Pet that you just plant some seeds and watch that thing grow over time.
It kind of reminds me of that one time when I was a kid. All I wanted was a Chia Pet, but my family was poor and my mother told me "we can't be spendin' no money on pottery that grows hair... do you know how many cartons of cigarettes I could get with that kind of cash."
But finally I just went to the local Rite-Aid, put one of those Chia kits down the front of my Batman underwear and walked right out the front door. You should have seen the 40+ women staring at my 10-year-old crotch. Their heads were so filled with illegal sexual thoughts that they had no idea I pocketed a ceramic mold of Scooby-Doo down there. Idiots.
Anyway, that's how I know Lindsay's a rich, spoiled brat. Not only does she have a big fat ass growing like a Chia Pet all day in rehab, she's also got an endless supply of cigs as she chain-smokes the day away just like my nicotine-addicted mother. Tramps. Both of them.
Check out her ass though, I'd still hit it. Nevermind "still" hit it, I actually want to hit that thing even more now. I like me a bitch with some rotundness, nahimean?
