You know, during high school, I had a picture of Anna Kournikova on some beach looking all sexy staring me down with her seductive Russian eyes. So, if I had seen her in a little red dress back then, I would tell you guys to break out the Stolichnaya because its time to celebrate!
In fact, I did that once. Only by myself, with a whole bottle Dubra instead of Stoli. I woke up the next day with a headache, a sore wrist, and a wall that could only be cleaned with high-powered detergent and a whole box of Brillo pads. To this day, I have never hung a poster in my room again. Too risky.
Anyway, these days, sadly, Anna just doesn't do it for me. I mean, I'd give it to her, don't get me wrong, but hell I'd give it to an anorexic Jenna Jameson in a clown suit for crying out loud, so that's not saying much.
All I want to know is where's the old Anna and what have you done with her? No response?.. Boris, go in my office, take out the semi-automatic pistol, and bring it to me because this one doesn't seem to want to talk... and us Russians, we play hard-ball... the world knows this. (go back and re-read that in an overly-done Mikhail Gorbachev accent... it adds a nice touch... that is, if you didn't naturally do that already).
Maybe you think I'm wrong though. I guess you'll just have to see for yourself.
