Here's Kate Beckinsale out with her husband last night or the night before, and I was seriously going to be angry if he wasn't smiling. This guy should have a permanent smile like the Joker or any random weatherman. Those guys are always way too happy. But anyway, if things don't work out with this chump, I feel like I have a good shot at Kate. Or at least maybe seeing her from a a mile away with my new telescope.
It's long been suspected that Katy Perry is a hooker at night when the lights go out, but then again, that's a complete lie so please ignore it. It, however, doesn't take away from the fact that she's wearing awesome hooker boots in these pictures, so I'll take what I can get.
Aaron Carter, who used to be famous when he was like 14, is in some serious tax trouble. Because he apparently decided paying them wasn't something he was interested in doing.
To put over $1 million into perspective, that's something like 49,000 pennies and 800 nickels. Yeah, hard to wrap your head around something like that, I know. Well, I gotta go teach math to under privileged kids now, be back later.
Adding himself to the long list of recent failed extortionists, Edis Kayalar has turned himself in. I didn't know what the big deal was when I originally wrote about this because all I knew was he was threatening to sell a picture of Cindy Crawford's daughter if she didn't pay $100,000. Well, now thanks to sources, we have the full extent of the creepiness:
If you've ever seen Taken or any other movie where a man's daughter is threatened, you should know it's not going to end well. Messing with someone's daughter in any way typically results in a long line of dead bodies and a great climactic ending involving Liam Neeson putting a bullet in your head. Or 2 years in jail, whatever.
If you remember a couple months ago, which I'm sure you don't, NFL player Shawne Merriman allegedly did the world a favor and beat the crap out of his then girlfriend, Tila Tequila. Well, that didn't make her very happy so she's suing him now according to TMZ:
Translation: Tila Tequila's fame is dwindling and she's running out of money to lead her lavish lifestyle, so she figures she'll sue her ex-boyfriend 2-3 months after the beating she took because he won't take her back despite her desperate begging. I should probably note I completely made up that translation based on the mentality that women love abusive boyfriends. Maybe I'm wrong, but probably not.
Here's Megan Fox looking like some nerdy girl you used to make fun of in high school but were too stupid to realize if she just took off the glasses and let the hair drop, she'd be hotter than any other girl in the school. Except Megan is still hotter than every other girl even like this. It's just not fair to other girls, someone should start an organization against her. Where's Al Sharpton? He hates women, right?
Even though I can't say I remember the greasy, veiny forehead all that well, I definitely do remember Shannon Elizabeth. She was in a bunch of crap that isn't coming to mind right now, maybe American Pie or something. She's a good example of a female actress who fizzled out very quickly, which goes to show you pretty much have to get hooked on crack or release a sex tape to make it in this business.
