Maria Menounos Is The Aphrodite to My Love-Hungry Commoner

Maria Menounos 2007 Emmys

You know, there were many beautiful women at last night's 2007 Emmy Awards. However, for the most part, if you took all of the "beautiful" women who were present at the award show and stripped them of any foreign substances that were present in their body for cosmetic purposes, threw all of these substances in one big warehouse and melted them all down collectively, you would have enough silicone to pave a small village outside of Guadalajara.

I say they do it. I mean, I hear that most Mexicans, especially in the western region of the country have a deep obsession with American celebrity. Plus, imagine what a city like that could go for on e-bay... the village folk could sell their silicone-paved town for millions! Then who would have the last laugh?

Anyway, my main point here is that aside from that being the norm of the beauties on the red carpet these days, Maria Menounos is none of those things.

I love all things Maria Menounos in this world. She is my Greek goddess. She is the symbol of hope, the beacon of purity, the cause of the unsettling, awkward movement in my pants!

Too far? Thought so. Sorry.

Anyway, like a young Aphrodite, Maria's effortless beauty captures the eyes of all men and mesmerizes them with some intangible divine force that is beyond all human explanation.

And by all that I mean she's purely and naturally beautiful and I will no further attempt to explain the grandeur of her beauty with words for they are bound by our own man-made limitations.

All that, plus you just know she makes a mean Baklava. And that's why I would marry her right now! God, I love that sweet flaky, sticky goodness that is Hellenic pastry. Speaking of sweet, sticky goodness... I think I might have a little "pastry" of my own for Maria! Or at least some frosting!

Too far again, I know. But that's what love does to you I guess. Here she is, kids, savor this moment. If not for you, for me.

9.17.07 at 10:34:02 AM