Eva Longoria looks fantastic in whatever she does. Whether it's grabbing her own ass in a bikini or wearing a dress that makes her look like one big delicious cherry popsicle, if Eva's there, I'm sexually aroused while she's doing it.
Now, of course, the 2007 Emmy Awards were no different. Only this time she grew an ass. I mean most chicks just get some last minute laser hair-removal and a little botox to freshen up for the Emmys. Not Eva. She got a whole new ass.
I mean, she's always been smokin' hot, but in a thin, super hot, gorgeous movie-star kind of way... but last night, she had this whole new element to her...
Look at that thing... it's fantastic. I want to be friends with it.
But where the hell did it come from?
Is there some place that I'm unaware of where you can purchase a whole female ass?.. like a place that offers various levels of rotundness to satisfy all sorts of customers' own unique needs?
I mean, I know there are places where you can buy other parts of the female body... like that old porno shop behind the railroad tracks in my old home town, but I usually only go there once a month with my toothless uncle Bobby. He's 58-years-old, he hasn't shaven for a decade, and he wears the same pair of stained gray sweatpants with no underwear every day of his life. But I'm assuming Eva didn't get her ass there.
So what happened? Did all that arroz con pollo as a kid finally kick in overnight and give her a nice, large, rotund booty for the Emmys? If so, why has it suddenly arrived now?..
Ahh, I guess I'll just have to add this to all the other mysteries of the world... because this is right up there with "How the hell did such an UGLY DUDE get to impregnate Christina Aguilera?"
Two things the world may never know.
For now I'm just gonna stare at Eva's ass for a good hour, hour and a half. Yes, it's that good. Join me, kids.
