It may or may not be true that an Elisha Cuthbert sex-tape is out somewhere in this vast world we live in.
The blog Geno's World states:
This is horrible. So very, very horrible. I mean, of course, by horrible I mean it's fantastic and if it actually comes out I'm going to get my hands on that thing and hold on it so tight... so tight, wow. I would probably put a copy of the DVD under my pillow as I sleep. But deep, deep down... this hurts me. Just the possibility of this thing hurts. Why though? Ahh, I thought you would never ask...
You see, if this turns out to be true, for me, it would be like watching a beautiful, rare, delicate orchid being stepped on and crushed.
Why? Because I love Elisha Cuthbert. Not just for her extreme hotness, but because of the purity and innocence that comes with it. But it gets even better, it's not just innocence in itself... it's the perfect balance of innocence and sexuality.
Basically, she's like that really hot, sweet girl that you can take home to your parents... but then when your parents go out to Wal-Mart and Bed Bath and Beyond to pick up some dog food and curtains, or whatever it is that old people do, the chick does the coolest thing you've ever seen done with peanut butter in your entire life. Ahh, I love those girls. Trust me, I know. From experience.
Anyway, regardless of my sexual assessment of Elisha, she is undoubtedly one of the pure, beautiful flowers amidst the wasteland of overweight, failing pop-stars and chain-smoking rehab patients . Thus, this sex-tape is so much more than just sex! It's life! Dammit!
Ahh, on second thought, how amazing would it be to see Elisha coming in for the real thing!? But then again, that raises the whole question of "WHY NOT ME!?" Dammit, I can't win!
Overall, it's the age old man's battle between his penis and his heart, and it can only be fought alone. It's such a cruel world, this world we live in. In the end, the pain of her purity being tainted outweighs the pleasure of seeing her in action... and... If you listen closely... really, really closely, you can hear my tiny little heart begin to break.
Damn you, Kim Bauer! Hey, if it's true maybe Kiefer can hunt down the real-life dude in the video and actually kill him Jack Bauer style. Now, that's a good thing no matter how you look at it!
