Bruce Willis was out and about in Beverly Hills Tuesday when he noticed a photographer taking pictures of him from a nearby Volkswagen. So, Bruce did what any logical person would do: He dumped a bottle of water on the windshield of the car.
Martin Luther King and Gandhi both agree that dumping bottled water on the windshield of your enemy is the most effective method of resistance, but I expect more from the guy who once pretended to walk across a floor full of broken glass barefoot in order to kill a bunch of terrorists. No machine guns? No cracked skulls? No “yippie kay ay’s?” Lame. He could have at least yelled “PICTURE THIS!!!!!” while pulling the guy out through the car window and throwing him to the cement.
Here’s how I would deal with paparazzi if I were famous (and I’m surprised no celebrity has tried this already): I’d hire my own paparazzi to follow the paparazzi. If all the A-listers pooled their money, they could easily afford to have all the major paparazzi tailed for a few years. When the paparazzi wakes up, your guy is there. When they eat lunch, your guy is there. When they’re taking pictures of celebrities, your guy is there taking pictures of them. When they’re sending explicit pictures of themselves or leaving dirty voicemail messages, your guy is there, hacking their Sidekick and posting everything online. See how they like it. After a few months the majority of them will quit, guaranteed.
And if that doesn’t work, how about kamikaze pigeons?
