That's not the top part of a woman's red gown, and Michael Phelps isn't going to a gala. Those are his 8 gold medals that he and his giant torso won in Beijing.
Mark Spitz is crying because he only has 7.
It's no surprise that Phelps is on the cover of Sports Illustrated. He's a pretty fast swimmer.
If I was Michael Phelps, the first thing I would do is any girl I want. Then I would melt all 8 medals down and sell the gold for like $57,000. After that, I would Ebay my swimming cap and my pubic hair. Then if I still didn't have ample amounts of money, I would go to local pools and steal shit out of people's bags while they're in the water. It would be awesome and respectable. Because I'm Michael Phelps..
