Jessica Simpson is Still Alive

Well, Jessica Simpson is still alive. Ever since Tony Romo got injured and the Cowboys went into a freefall of suck, I haven't seen much of her. I figure she was keeping him comfortable with her lovely boobies all of this time, but that could only last so long. She had to go out sometime to get supplies, like donuts. She is getting a little fatter lately. No, I didn't say she's fat. I said fatter. Just like me, I'm fatter than I was when I was 8. It just happens.