Super hot and leggy Jessica Simpson and that pansy-boy Orlando Bloom are dating!? OK! Magazine reports:
Specifically, an eyewitness told OK!:
OK! further reports:
Frankly, I think this whole relationship is sweet... if you're into chicks dating guys that they can beat up. I mean just look at Jessica's legs, it's like they were carved out of stone. Her muscles are so tight and solid, she could crack nuts those things.
Just picture it... years from now she and Orlando are married and he's wearing knee-high boots, knickers and a blouse as he reads a leather-bound book with a magnifying glass and he turns to Jessica and says in his whimpery little English voice: "Eh.. hem.. eh, Jessica? Would you be a doll and be so kind to crack this walnut for me?.. I have these pliers... but my wrists... they're too weak and withered."
In response, Jessica simply places the walnut behind her knee, right between the hamstring and the calf, and snaps her leg back. The shell immediately cracks open and she hands the nut over to Orlando at which point he says: "Thank you dear... now be a sweetheart and fetch my tea... not to drink... but to soak my testicles, they're a bit sore this morning."
In response, Jessica obediently looks up at her husband and says: "Sure thing there sweetie pie, I'll soak them things up reaaal nice for ya!"
Ah.. whether it's cultural differences or a disparity in intellectual capacities... nothing can conquer the love between Jessica Simpson and Orlando Bloom... it's a beautiful thing, really.