Kate Upton's spread in Elle France featured her in less-than-slutty clothing and a fuzzy panda hat. It's a little bit confusing for my penis, but it makes me incredibly happy all the same. If only us Americans could learn to employ a little bit of mystery. And adorable fuzzy hats.

The 18 year old One Direction singer Harry Styles broke up with Taylor Swift (who is 23) after dating her for only 2 months. Why? Mainly because he was afraid of her writing a song about him. Then he wouldn't be able to look cool in front of his mates when she hands him his packed lunch and squeezes his cheek. (I might be getting the girlfriend and mom thing confused again.) Regardless, he got out, so it looks like T. Swift is up for grabs!

Justin Bieber was being chased around by paparazzi the other night while in his Ferrari. This was dangerous (yay) and it sparked Miley Cyrus to tweet something so insulting and stupid I couldn't help but write a post about it:

Hope this paparazzi/JB accident brings on some changes in '13 Paparazzi are dangerous! Wasn't Princess Di enough of a wake up call?!

You're right. Justin's little incident with the paparazzi is just like a beloved member of the British royal family dying in a horrific car accident. #sensitivity

Sofia Vergara and her boyfriend Nick Loeb were seen happily hanging out in Miami the other day... even though they allegedly got into a massive fight on New Year's Eve:

"Nick appeared to get really angry after Sofia took a picture with a stranger, and started screaming at her. Nick had to be pulled off Sofia by security. Her dress got torn in the melee. This happened right in front of everyone in the VIP section."

"Four security guards grabbed Nick and threw him out of the back door of the club, with Sofia following behind."

I wouldn't get too concerned with it, though. 90% of couples fought on NYE because of one (or all) of the following: 1.) Alcohol 2.) Stupid b*tches 3.) Decisions made about stupid b*tches because of alcohol. No wonder Sofia was fine. She probably didn't even remember it.

Even though Rihanna was recently tweeting about how much she loved being single and hated Chris Brown... she was seen cuddling up to him on Christmas day at the Laker's basketball game. Looks like someone is independent!

During the holiday season, instead of giving money to charity or appreciating family, Drake was on Instagram complaining about people using YOLO without giving him credit (since he said it during his 2012 song "The Motto"):

"Walgreens... you gotta either chill or cut the cheque"
"Macy's... same goes for you."

What Drake doesn't realize is that The Strokes (and countless other people with brains) actually coined the acronym (can you coin an acronym?) before he did. So shaddup.

Britney Spears her fiance Jason Trawick were supposed to be married... but still aren't. Something seems fishy, especially since Brit is still crazytown bananapants.

"It's a make or break holiday for Britney and Jason," a source close to the Toxic singer told Radar.

"Things have been getting worse and worse with their relationship for several months now, and they know they have to figure things out once and for all because they can’t keep going on like this."