Lindsay Lohan's Probation is Going to Get Revoked. Surprise.

Is it a huge surprise that Lindsay Lohan's probation is going to get revoked? Not really. She crashed her Porsche into a tractor trailer... and blamed it on her assistant. Whoops. I'm pretty sure that's not the way to gain the trust of a judge, but I'll have to do some research and get back to you on that.

11.22.12 at 03:45 AM   

Miley Cyrus Keeps Making Terrible Decisions.

We laughed when Miley Cyrus dyed her hair blonde and cut it short. Now that she has buzzed the sides of her head... it's just plain sad. It's not even funny anymore, Miley Cyrus. Stop being crazy. Go be Hannah Montana. Put on your wig. :(

11.22.12 at 03:42 AM   

Be Nice to Mitt Romney

Sigh, the internet is making fun of Mitt Romney today because, well, the internet is full of loud, liberal, insensitive jerks (we all know this to be true). So of course they are making fun of Mitt Romney for ... pumping gas, not having security and... being surprised someone is taking his picture? Yeah. Totally crazy you guys. It's not like he is just a normal guy or anything.

11.20.12 at 10:54 AM   

Christina Aguilera Should Reconsider Her Wardrobe Choices

I'm not going to make fun of Christina Aguilera for gaining weight. From time to time, all of our bodies' change in a way where we might not be too happy with it. BUT, with that being said, don't wear EXTREMELY TIGHT AND UNFLATTERING clothes if you don't have the body for it. Class it up! Adele is a big girl but you don't see the internet hating on her for wearing a flattering, black dress. Accept it Christina, you're not the genie in the bottle you used to be.

11.20.12 at 10:48 AM   

Oh Look - It's David Hassel...WHAT?

I almost don't want to know why David Hasselhoff is splayed across KITT's hood dressed as a(n even sluttier version of) Captain Hook. Some reasonable people say that he is starring in a production of Peter Pan... but I refuse to believe that and I am completely convinced this was just a normal Saturday night for the Hoff.

11.16.12 at 03:39 PM   

Kim Kardashian Left the Marine Corps Ball Early. Her Date Didn't Care.

Judging by the OMG TITS look on this Marine's face, he didn't care that his curvy date Kim Kardashian left the Ball 15 minutes after dinner started... after she had professional photographers make sure they documented she attended. (Unlike Mila Kunis, who stayed the entire time and didn't have any stupid photoshoot before she walked in.) At least we already know KK is terrible at being a human being - but awesome to stare at. I think she knew her work there was done, 15 minutes into the evening.

11.16.12 at 03:37 PM   

Taylor Swift Gives Terrible Dating Advice

Taylor Swift reminds me of a girl who hasn't dated much in her life, even if she is a way-too-hot-for-you kind of celebrity. Recently, an interview of hers was published in Seventeen magazine and, like all things in Seventeen, it was batshit insane:

"Don't chance ruining your friendship by chasing him before he's ready. You just have to wait for him to turn it into something more, if and when he wants to."

Unfortunately, most girls want to date guys, not stalk them until they ultimately marry someone who is more outgoing and attractive. My advice? Get some balls and ask a guy to go out for coffee. A movie. An orgy. Worst case scenario you get denied and you can still be friends. Best case scenario, you'll have your pants off in 20 minutes.

11.16.12 at 03:33 PM