Christina Aguilera has finally officially confirmed that she has a massive round orb for a tummy because she got knocked up by her Neanderthal-looking husband, Jordan Bratman (shown above). And all this time I just thought she suddenly became obese in one very specific region of her body. People Magazine reports:
As for her exceptionally ugly husband, Christina couldn't be happier with him. People Magazine further reports:
Christina's a lucky girl for having that goofy bastard following her around all day!? Jordan's the lucky one... with the birth of this child, he will have immediate proof that he actually gets to have sex with his wife and she didn't just marry him because she found him on the street being all hairy and ugly and by the goodness of her heart took him in and gave him food and shelter. It's going to be the best day of this guy's life.
Then again, it's still a possibility that she could be having another man's child. But that theory will be thrown out the window the moment a hairy little orangutan comes out of the womb; for Jordan Bratman is the only man capable of producing such a child with such a hot wife. Bastard. He always wins, doesn't he?
Here she is with her aforementioned ugly husband out shopping the other day. It's just so hard to see that... to be me, and to see her with another man... knowing that he's so ugly... and I'm so handsome... it's just a shame.
