The Duchess of Cambridge Has Been Knocked Up!

Prince Charles has successfully inseminated Kate Middleton? GOOD FORM, OLE CHAP!

St. James's Palace said Monday that the Duchess of Cambridge - formerly known as Kate Middleton - has a severe form of morning sickness and is currently in a London hospital.

The palace said that since the pregnancy is in its "very early stages," the 30-year-old duchess is expected to stay in the hospital for several days and will require a period of rest afterward.

Nothing says fairytale romance like a public pregnancy ensuring there is an heir to the throne.

12.03.12 at 04:30 PM   

The IRS Doesn't Like Lindsay Lohan

Is anyone surprised that Lindsay Lohan owes $233,000 in unpaid taxes from 2009? (No? Whew, good.) I was actually wondering why the IRS hasn't audited her yet, seeing that she is one of those people with a lot of money who is wildly irresponsible and probably has never paid the right amount in taxes. With enough accountants and time, the government can probably find enough money that Lindsay owes to pull California out of the gutter.

12.03.12 at 04:26 PM   

These Crazy Kids Know the Secret to Marriage

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are in one of the remaining Hollywood marriages that haven't exploded into a fireball of shame (just yet). I think I know their secret: Krispy Kreme donuts. The other day they were seen slogging through a downpour just to pick up a couple dozen of donuts... either for their children, or because they were really f**cking high. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

12.03.12 at 04:19 PM   

Lindsay Lohan Punched a Chick!

I'm not sure if I will ever tire of Lindsay Lohan's shenanigans. First, she is running down people, drunkenly, in her car... next, she is throwing punches and collapsing at random. You have to love a girl who will keep you on her toes! Recently, she was seen assaulting another girl in a club... because why not!?

Our sources say Lohan was at Club Avenue when she got into some sort of argument with a female patron and it became physical. We’re told cops came and arrested Lindsay for allegedly assaulting her.

Law enforcement tells us prior to the fight words were exchanged between Lindsay and the woman as they sat in separate booths near each other.

Lindsay said something to the effect of, "Give me my space." Some time passed and then, for some reason, Lindsay allegedly punched the girl in the left side of her face.

11.29.12 at 02:51 PM   

Jared Leto is... Dying?

In a recent Terry Richardson photoshoot, Jared Leto looked positively corpse-like. I'm not sure if this was on purpose (you know, heroin chic?) or if the man is really dying. Either way, if he is passing on then maybe my girlfriend will realize that beauty isn't everything and she should appreciate what she has... LULZ, jk, I'm lonely.

11.29.12 at 02:48 PM   

Dating Halle Berry is Dangerous

Model Gabriel Aubry is Halle Berry's beautiful ex (or at least he was at one point). When he brought their daughter to her Halle's house on Thanksgiving (totally not uncalled for and actually pretty nice of him to do?) Halle's fiancé, Oliver Martinez, did a number on Gabriel's face. And by number, I mean to say he destroyed it. I thought my holiday get togethers were dramatic - at least we have reasons to punch each other in the face (like "quit chewing so loud" or "you're blocking the Lions game").

11.28.12 at 02:08 PM   

Paz de la Huerta Isn't on Boardwalk for a Reason

Ex-Boardwalk Empire star Paz de la Huerta was probably kicked off of the show for a reason. Boardwalk Empire is some damn fine television (if Steve Buscemi doesn't win all of the awards for everything I'll be stunned) so getting rid of the frightening, trashy actors was probably a good idea. At least she was playing a frightening, trashy show girl, so she fit.

11.28.12 at 02:04 PM