Seriously, Kate Beckinsale could go in public wearing a smurf costume and still be the hottest person in 300 miles. She sweats awesomeness and I would literally give my elbows to touch her shoulder. She could even be wearing shoulder pads when I do it, I don't care. That might sound pathetic, but when I'm on disability for my elbow loss and I know I touched Kate Beckinsale, you'll be the one slaving at a cheese factory wishing you'd thought of it first.
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If Anne Hatheway and Natalie Portman got freaky and had a baby, not only would science be baffled, but that baby would grow up to be Kelly Brook. Maybe you don't see it, but I do and what I see matters because I'm writing this stupid post right now in my underwear.
Kelly is promoting her new fragrance although I'm not sure how photos promote a fragrance. It's not like they're scratch n sniff digital images. She should personally go door to door wearing the perfume, letting us have sex with her while we smell it. Otherwise, good luck selling that crap. RELATED STORIES
I don't know if it's the hat or the color of her skin, but Jessica Biel just really reminds me of Michael Jackson in these pictures. If there were 4 or 5 little boys around her in a circle, there would be no difference. Instead, we have what appears to be a cocaine deal going down with a hockey mom. The photog would've turned these into police if he didn't realize taking pictures of famous people all day is slightly worse than snorting a line.
Oh, and just so you know, it's not really a cocaine deal. Don't sue me, Jessica. I loved you in London. But in Summer Catch and the rest of your movies, not so much. RELATED STORIES
Now that Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are broken up, Paris can get back to doing what she does best. Guys. I signed up several months ago, but it could still be a couple of years til I get to go in Paris. It's a busy city afterall.
Here's Paris doing something at some place with some other people. RELATED STORIES
Jennifer Garner has filed a restraining order against some douchebag who's been stalking her for the last 6+ years. That's long enough that you can safely consider it a relationship. According to
Star:
In papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Nov. 7, the mom-to-be asks for protection against Steven R. Burky, 36, who she alleges has "engaged in obsessive and harassing behavior, posting about me on the Internet, sending me multiple packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts and following me around the country, through multiple states, to make contact with me."
Jennifer's sworn affidavit states that Burky has shown up at her private residence — where she lives with hubby Ben Affleck and their 2-year-old, Violet — and said that "God sent him a vision" that the actress would be persecuted in a way that could result in her death.
The temporary order stipulates that Burky can't contact Jen by any means and must stay 100 yards away from her, Ben, Violet and several of their employees. It also specifically requests that he must stay away from Violet's school.
I once had a vision that Kristen Bell and I should have insane sex in a park bathroom, but 5 minutes later, I cleaned up the mess and went on with my life. What I didn't do was everything that this Steven R. Burky guy did. Ben Affleck really should kick the hell out of this guy if he comes around again. I've seen him in Pearl Harbor, that guy can fight.
Seriously though, stalking isn't cool. Hopefully this creep stays away from them or just dies.
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In an effort to prove to the world that Madonna's gold-digger claims are false, Guy Ritchie has refused to take a dime of her money. Noble? Yes. Stupid? Definitely. According to
Daily Mail:
Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reached agreement on their divorce - with the British film director refusing to take a penny of the pop star’s cash, it has emerged.
An announcement could come by the end of the month, a source close to the negotiations tells London's Evening Standard.
Madonna, who attended a charity gala in New York last night looking much younger than her fifty years , will walk away from the eight-year marriage with her fortune, estimated at £300m, intact.
The article goes on to say something about how Guy only cares about the children's living situation now. Doesn't really matter, the bigger concern is that $300,000,000. Yes, that's 94 zeros. Ritchie is worth about $30million himself, so he won't have to stand in the soup line, but still, he was legally entitled to as much as half of the old whore's fortune. Oh well, maybe that's just how they do it in England. Here in the States, you get every penny you can and hope your ex gets AIDS. RELATED STORIES
The December issue of UK Harper's Bazaar Magazine will feature the breastfeeding-troubled Angelina Jolie. Sadly there won't be any pics of her breastfeeding even though magazine sales would've been through the roof and they would've reached an all-new 20 year old male demographic. But whatever, they never listen to me.
Check out the images from the magazine. The nice thing about digital scans is you can actually clean your monitor off. One go with the actual magazine and it's ruined. RELATED STORIES
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