Kim Kardashian Left the Marine Corps Ball Early. Her Date Didn't Care.

Judging by the OMG TITS look on this Marine's face, he didn't care that his curvy date Kim Kardashian left the Ball 15 minutes after dinner started... after she had professional photographers make sure they documented she attended. (Unlike Mila Kunis, who stayed the entire time and didn't have any stupid photoshoot before she walked in.) At least we already know KK is terrible at being a human being - but awesome to stare at. I think she knew her work there was done, 15 minutes into the evening.

11.16.12 at 03:37 PM   

Taylor Swift Gives Terrible Dating Advice

Taylor Swift reminds me of a girl who hasn't dated much in her life, even if she is a way-too-hot-for-you kind of celebrity. Recently, an interview of hers was published in Seventeen magazine and, like all things in Seventeen, it was batshit insane:

"Don't chance ruining your friendship by chasing him before he's ready. You just have to wait for him to turn it into something more, if and when he wants to."

Unfortunately, most girls want to date guys, not stalk them until they ultimately marry someone who is more outgoing and attractive. My advice? Get some balls and ask a guy to go out for coffee. A movie. An orgy. Worst case scenario you get denied and you can still be friends. Best case scenario, you'll have your pants off in 20 minutes.

11.16.12 at 03:33 PM   

Let's Play "Which One is Lady Gaga?"

Recently, Lady Gaga went to Rio to hang out in bikinis and gloat to us lesser beings (because we can't afford to be jet setters). Her friend makeup artist Tara Savelo was also there... which was a bad call, because now I have no idea which is Lady Gaga. I'm going to assume the less attractive one. Neither of them is wearing a meat dress so they are making this really confusing.

11.15.12 at 03:29 PM   

Native Americans Are Sexy!!!

Hey, look you guys! It's a hot girl! Karlie Kloss, a fan of alliteration and Native Americans, walked around in some sort of chieftain getup the other day. I'm pretty sure she was being insensitive to the many, many deaths of Indians on the Trail of Tears... but I would still hit it.

11.15.12 at 03:23 PM   

Justin Bieber is Cool, You Guys

Ever since Justin Bieber split up with Selena Gomez (LULZ) he has been getting a big head. Not only is his hair literally taller, making his head seem enormous, but he is starting to hang out with supermodels. And ride a motorcycle. Here's hoping he crashes it into a pile of marshmallows - and they still won't be a bigger poof than he is.

11.15.12 at 03:14 PM   

K-Stew and R-Patz Were in Public Together. Because, Duh.

Now, before you go all angry/excited fangirl on me Internet, the only reason these two were seen in public together was because they were at a movie premiere. You know, that Twilight movie's premiere.
I'm sure plenty of people will want to speculate on their body language and guess whether or not they hate each other... but I know the answer: Kristen banged a director and pretty much publicly told Robert about it. He hates her.

11.14.12 at 03:25 PM   

Matthew McConaughey Has to Be Dying

You could argue that Matthew McConaughey is just getting all weirded up for his role in The Dallas Buyers Club, but let's be serious for a second: he has the HIV.
I know I'm jumping to conclusions here, but you can tell by this mustache and his gaunt frame that he obviously contracted HIV in the past year and probably will die of AIDS shortly. We'll always miss you and your lack of shirt, Matty.

11.14.12 at 03:17 PM