Jessica Alba and her long-time boyfriend (and the father of her unborn child) Cash Warren are finally engaged! OK! Magazine reports:
Wow, this Cash Warren guy has officially hit the lottery. I mean, just based on the sole fact that when you ask yourself "What has Cash Warren ever accomplished?" you can't think of anything notable, it's clear that Jessica is way too good for him. Nevertheless, despite the natural laws of science, Cash not only has his very own little human being growing inside Jessica's tummy, but he's going to get to spend the rest of his life with her too! Wow. Three words immediately come to mind. Why. Not. Me. In that order.
Well, I guess that for the sake of the child and the sanctity of marriage, I can put my jealousy aside and offer sincere congratulations to Cash and Jessica. I wish you both a happy and prosperous marriage. And by that I mean I'll be hiding around every corner and behind every bush near you guys throughout your marriage just waiting for him to slip up so I can move in! Plus, who's named "Cash," honestly? Okay, that was a low blow. No, I'm not still bitter. Nope. Not at all.
Anyway, here's Jessica out with Cash and her baby bump in L.A. on Christmas Day. Hey that last part rhymes. Eh... sorry. Enjoy, kids!
