Natalie Portman

The latest news and gossip involving celebrity Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman Has a Secret Tampon Agenda.

Last week, Paul McCartney released his new music video for the song, \"My Valentine.\" It featured Johnny Depp and Natalie Portman signing the lyrics. Everyone loved Johnny and Natalie doing something so non-mainstream (even the hipsters weren\'t \"over it\"). However, they didn\'t quite know how anti-mainstream they were being. ... unless they have some secret agenda to push tampons onto the ... [Full Story]

It Looks Like Natalie Portman Got Married.

It\'s a good thing I\'m into having sex with married women, or else I would be completely distraught over the news that Natalie Portman is now married to Benjamin Millepied. Because she had the dignity not to sell herself out over a marriage, she did it secretly. Unfortunately, wearing a wedding band to The Academy Awards isn\'t very James Bond-esque if you want to hide the fact that you\'re ... [Full Story]

Natalie Isn\'t Bad for a Pregnant

Although Natalie Portman\'s stomach was in full force last night she still looked incredibly hot. So hot, even, that she won the Academy Award for Best Leading Actress for her work in \"Black Swan.\" (I\'m almost 100% positive that these awards are based solely on looks.) ... [Full Story]

Natalie Portman Has Raging Hormones. And Rage.

If you\'re unlucky enough to see Natalie Portman in public, make sure to cross the street. Recently, she has been seen raging out. I assume it\'s on account of her out of control pregnancy/fat hormones. However, rage could be how she is venting her frustration at being knocked up by the most normal, ugly guy in Hollywood. (Sure, he isn\'t UGLY but when comparing him to Jake Gyllenhaal or all of ... [Full Story]

Natalie Portman Might Burst

Either Natalie Portman is currently stealing a very large ham... or she is about to burst forth with a baby. Although I thought she was due in the summer... I must be seriously misunderstanding this whole pregnancy thing, because I didn\'t think they were supposed to look like complete cows until about month 9. But, for being kind of tubby, Natalie is still hot. So work it, chunky! ... [Full Story]

This May Be Natalie Portman

There is an outside chance that this is Natalie Portman walking her dog on the streets of New York. Seeing that I have no idea where this Academy Award nominee lives, it very well could be her. It could also be that ho Ashley from down the street who slapped my sister. Either way: looking good, Eskimo! ... [Full Story]

The 83rd Academy Award Noms. Wee!

I love the Oscars. Not because I\'m gay, but because it tells me what movies I need to rent on Netflix in the coming year. I typically don\'t leave the house, so it\'s good to know what is worth spending a few bucks on. That\'s why you only use hookers your friends refer you to. ... so the following is a list of nominations, even the boring ones. Enjoy! BEST PICTURE 127 HOURS (Fox ... [Full Story]

Natalie Portman - Pregnant and Engaged

You want to know what vigorous lesbian hate sex with Mila Kunis leads to? Babies. It may be against every 8th grade Sex Ed lecture happening in the country, but it\'s true. Natalie Portman did some horizontal dancing with her now-fiance Benjamin Millepied and - ta da! - they are going to have a baby. Congratulations Natalie! I sure will miss your sexy body. ... [Full Story]

Natalie Portman Hates Black Swan

Something tells me that Natalie Portman did not enjoy being an angry lesbian in \"Black Swan.\" Maybe it\'s because she was competing against the hot Mila Kunis. Maybe it\'s because it looks like she wants to commit suicide in these photos from the premiere in New York? Either way... perk up Padma! It\'s not all bad. See? I\'m calling you by your sucky \"Star Wars\" movie name. That\'s gotta ... [Full Story]

Natalie Portman Wants My Heart

It\'s obvious, by the state Natalie Portman\'s butt, that she is in love with me. She is dressing just the way I love and looking super hot. It doesn\'t matter what \"Your Highness\" is about, really. All that matters that I can see the majority of Natalie\'s bum... because she favors THONGS. ... [Full Story]

Strange Ranger Natalie Portman

We all know that Natalie Portmant just isn\'t your typical Hollywood b*tch. After all, she is actually smart and she can speak other languages and crap. And something about the Middle East. But this is going a little too far. I can appreciate someone being different, but when you start wearing circus tents and screaming at a passerby, you get into \"Crazy Bag Lady\" territory. Might want to ... [Full Story]

It\'s Oscar Time Again

Yep, it\'s that time of year again - Oscar time. That special day when all of the d-bags in Hollywood come out of the woodwork to become self-congratulating idiots. Sometimes I forget that the winners aren\'t picked based on how much money they make or how much people like them... it all comes down to who is \"due\" and which people the Academy likes. I actually applaud The Hurt Locker producer ... [Full Story]