Gwen Stefani\'s Womb is Exploding With Joy Today
InTouch is reporting that Gwen Stefani will deliver her baby today via C-section and lots of heavy breathing with some screaming.
Gwen and Gavin make a great couple. Both of their names begin with a G, they can both sing, and they\'re both British. Only Gwen isn\'t British and Gavin can\'t sing. But regardless, the fetus is going to automatically win sexiest baby ever when it hatches.
Too many babies are coming out of celebrities lately. I blame the writer\'s strike. You don\'t need a script to have sex...unless you\'re a porn star or Demi Moore. She\'s had more sex scenes than Kevin Costner has had boring scenes.
Lindsay Lohan Still Doesn\'t Believe in Bras
In her quest to show her pasty sideboob to everyone who ever existed, Lindsay Lohan went shopping yesterday, wearing what she ripped off the back of a homeless person moments before.
And those freckles aren\'t awesome. I realize she can\'t help she was cursed as the most complicated game of connect the dots ever, but this is Hollywood. There has to be at least a beta version of freckle reconstruction surgery available. Or maybe someone could move them around somehow to form a constellation or a giant penis on her chest.
Lindsay, still looking like a meth addict, shopping for clothes and crack...
Christian Bale Loves to Mount Horses
A Yahoo! article has revealed that Christian Bale learned how to act from horses:
Bale, a vegetarian since childhood who takes in stray cats and dogs as pets, told the newspaper that riding horses has \"a rhythm that\'s rather Zen-like.\"
\"When you can mount it and move it and move along with it, that is a hard-won and very real accomplishment,\" he said.
I can\'t decide if all of that is admirable or illegal. But either way, some things are better left unsaid. Most likely, Bale is trying to spin his image in a better light since being accused of beating the shit out of his mom, only to find out his mom is a lying whore. So yeah, I guess masturbating with horses is a little better.
Christian Bale is currently filming the next Terminator movie which is due out sometime between now and some other time.
Underwood Could Be a Fat Liar Except Not the Fat Part
Carrie Underwood recently said her ex-boyfriend and NFL quarterback, Tony Romo, has been calling her. Jessica Simpson says there ain\'t no way and there ain\'t now how:
\"I checked his call log,\" she said Wednesday in an interview with a Nashville radio station.
Of Romo, Underwood tells September\'s Allure: \"The phone will ring and it\'ll be him, and I\'ll maybe not answer.\"
\"Tony and I both laughed at that,\" Simpson said. \"We got a chuckle out of it.\"
Simpson and Romo seem to be going strong.
\"Most of the guys I dated were captivated by my heart but they had different ways of trying to get to me,\" Simpson says in September\'s Elle. \"Tony understands me.
What\'s there to understand? Jessica\'s about as deep as a paper cut and Tony clearly isn\'t dating her for her take on energy conservation. I guess \"Tony understands me\" could mean he\'s good at anal sex. I don\'t really know Hollywood slang or Texas slang or much of anything at all now that I think about it.
I don\'t really know if Carrie or Jessica is telling the truth, but if it doesn\'t end in a pool filled with pudding, jell-o and possibly some of Bill Cosby\'s semen, I don\'t really care.